what the hell happened? I thought we had a deal? You were supposed to be amazing all ups no downs, no losing anyone and no regrets, what the hell? That was our secret! We had a pact! It really meant something to me, and I thought it really meant something to you, I was wrong so so very wrong, I actually believed in us. Now I remember the good times in the very beginning going out meeting new people, the awesome dates,I couldn’t have been happier. It was nice to actually have that giddy 'I get to see the man I’m interested in today feeling' that was really good while it lasted, even though it didn't work out in the end it was great to really like someone again. Also in the beginning the road trips with the besties, closer than ever thought nothing could come between us, well that was all a façade now wasn’t it? That was the first and actually biggest loss , because I no longer have that person I was so close to in my life over nothing. It was right before I took off to New York maybe leaving under those circumstances wasn’t the best decision ever, but when I came back neither of us reached out to one another, so I guess something did very much come between us. I just never thought something so little & petty could break up a friendship that seemed unbreakable. I think I was hurt more because this person was the ONE person in my life I ever gave a second chance to, and I won't say I regret it because even after we reconnected, after i gave this person an second chance our friendship seemed better than ever, but once again I was fooled. Another façade, 2010 again I blame you. In our pact we agreed I wouldn’t let anyone fool me, you let me down. Later on we had that, I’ll call it “little problem” at work that would make my work life a living hell, in the end the “little problem” was removed & work was back to normal but at the time that was a huge down, I'm still dealing with the dam write up's from that . 'little problem". Then recently, I decided to be stupid and let someone new into my life, I KNOW this was all my OWN mistake, but again, in our pact we said no mistakes remember. Anyways this proved to be a huge mistake for reasons that aren’t even worth blogging about, all I’m going to say is I’ve always ALWAYS always been content with the select handful of my close friends, because new people are never who they seem to be, and on top of that my best friends have been in my life for a long time so letting new people in is very difficult for me so I just prefer to NOT. Honestly though I’m happiest this way, I never get hurt like I did recently, letting a new person come in and fuck everything up. I've been fucked over TOO many times to ever give 2nd chances again, i just don't believe in them anymore, FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME. I've been living this motto for years, thats why recently when this last person who fooled me, was not, nor will ever be given a second chance to fool me ever again. Besides that, you also let me down by allowing me to break my rule on blending the lines between my friends and my co workers, the down was dealing with two faced-ness. A true friend would never do this to me, because they know trust is EVERYTHING to me, a co worker on the other hand IS NOT my friend. However my dumbass forgot this so in the end I realized who was two-faced so I guess it wasn’t that bad, I just now know to never mix those too EVER again. The upside about blending these two is I seriously realized how amazing these two girls at my work are, the chilliest girls I’ve met in a long time, and I can honestly call them my friends not just coworkers. I’m more than content with ending up with two great friends I also work with, going back to not blending those lines ever again with the exception of them two of course. So I guess even though earlier I lost someone, I gained 2 great friends in the end, losses-1, wins-2, not so bad I guess. Oh I almost forgot another perk was also in the beginning when I finally got to work where I’d been wanting to work, where I had “supposedly” been hired to work at, yeah that was GREAT! The last & most important up was the fact that 99% of the friends I started the year out with are STILL here for me, I don’t need to mention who they are, they know who they are & they know they mean the world to me, my friends are fucking AMAZING, we take each other's BS and handle it like adults, when theres a problem or something we aren’t ok with, we let each other know, instead of going behind each other backs, we keep what we tell each other between US and no one else, because it’s OUR business, we’re there for each other no questions asked, and most of all we TRUST each other which can honestly say is the BEST 'up' in my life. Either way 2010 I’m soooo glad you’re almost over! We had the ups, the good times with all my friends, buying myself my car, my camera, trip to New York, trip to San Fran, day trips with my friends, dating great guys instead of losers for a change then there was the downs, losing someone I considered someone I’d have in my life for a long time, things not going as planned, getting fooled by people I thought were my friends, and breaking my rule on letting new people in, changes are no good sometimes. I will tell you this, thank you for the confidence you’ve given me, not that I was unsure before you, but I realize now even after a loss I’M OK, I’M FINE, but more importantly I’M OVER IT, I’m even more confident and empowered as I’ve ever been, nothing not even your downs broke my stride. 2010 you were quite the emotional roller coaster and I’m happy you’re coming to an end, goodbye & good riddance. 2011 & I have a new pact NEVER CHANGE, its deeper than any pact I ever had with you 2010, I plan on sticking to this pact like glue, same morals as 2010 but much more ambition this time. I refuse to let anyone change my mind this time, the bitch is back! Time say FUCK YOU regrets and remember my ambition to sticking to my same morals, same mottos that have worked for me and kept me happy, no more being fooled and more great memories!
ps-2010 highlight photos in no specific order & even tho some people in these photos are no longer in my life or we're not that close anymore these memories are ones i will cherish forever<3
photo credit: myself