damm

You know what sucks when you're in bad mood or just feelin a little down due to family, work, your relationship, etc , and then not having close girlfriends to vent to THAT sucks. [FACT EVERYONE NEEDS TO VENT]This is exactly why you have to be your own best friend, because people are fucked selfish assholes. You can't expect a good friend if you're not a good friend to yourself first. Which is exactly why everyone should know how to get themselves out of a shit mood, never rely on anyone. The truth is you came into this world alone & you were fine, you will die alone too and guess what ? it'll be fine. I could go on for days about how fucked up the closest girls I've ever had and let into my life have fucked me over at the end of it all but I won't cos it's in the past where it belongs. Lesson learned, I no longer get to close to girls cos they are so 2 faced at the end of the day, they befriend you for years, close like a sister, know each other families, hang out daily, all that bff shit only to reveal there true colors at the end and make you feel like you were fooled the entire friendship NO THANKS I'd rather be alone than miserable. Always remember to strong you have to be there for yourself because everyone one else will try & try to break you apart but at the end only you can pick yourself back up not anyone else. That's the truth, Fuck people sometimes, and know your worth know what you can & can't put up with, never make exceptions and never let anyone make you feel less than you are, if you're feeling like a worthless fuck well ask yourself are you? answer no NO you're not a worthless fuck, so quit feeling bad it's a waste of fucking energy and trust me no one else wants to be around someone who's down either so remember alone does not have to mean lonely. I know who I am I know what I believe and I know I don't need anyone to feel better, although I do also believe it IS nice to have close girlfriends that aren't 2 faced fucked up selfish bitches and it is nice to be in a relationship and have a boyfriend where there is all ups no downs, BUT this is unrealistic people are not perfect, there's no such thing as a relationship with all ups and zero down and although it IS realistic to have a close girlfriend around I guess in my case they didn't last as long as I had hoped for in my life, as for my guy friends even though they are there for me there's just some things only girls can mutually understand with other girls. I guess this just means you have to really be there for yourself, because you should never count on anyone else to bring you happiness, you hold the key to your own happiness as well as your own misery.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

Well well well 3 months into the new year and life has yet again bitch slapped me with a complete 360! Went from literally starting off the first day of the new year jobless, worrying like a crazy about how the FUCK to pay all my bills after my last check ran out REMEMBER that from my "I'm going to bitch post" here . Yeah well NO MORE BITCHING :D I am officially an employed working lady again!!! Kick ass job CHECK! I can officially dress up for work again, OH HEELS I'VE MISSED YOU SOOOOOOO<3 no joke love my toms but now I can save those for outside of work! My new job is pretty dope, it's chill, I'm good at it & it's way less stressful I'm happy with it. 

As for the other stuff that was making me bitch it's either not important anymore or taken care of. Life is good at the moment FINALLY it was worth the wait let me tell you! SPEAKING of waiting in case you forgot about my "2011 Goals blog" I waited around seeing how long it would take me to complete these goals & I can officially say 1-5 are done/in progress & actually #9 too 6 7 and 8 I haven't started YET but I will! Trust me I will get shit doneeee, I mean "stuff" <--see #7 there ya go ;)

Furthermore if I had to some up my life in ONE word it would be CONTENT! 

I know my loved ones said it'd be ok, time heals all, everything happens for a reason, and my favorite was "sometimes thinbgs fall apart so that better things can fall together" well bet your bottom dollar that HELL YES better things have fallen together I'm content in 99% of all aspects of my life right now and it's a great feeling! I am content! genuinely whole heartedly CONTENT!

So I'm not just posting this to go from a "bitching" to "bragging" post, NO WRONG WRONG WRONG this is for anyone who ever felt even a little bit like me on 1/1/11 a lil lost, a lil sad, a lil down on the dumps and overall a lil scared THIS IS FOR YOU! THINGS WILL GET BETTER, TRUST ME IT JUST TAKES TIME so don't rush things let it unravel on it's own, never push things. They are best when unplanned when you're suddenly caught completely off guard, swept completely off your feet and things are comin at you totally outta left field, That's when you truly appreciate the good things from life. This is for you cos whatever shit mood you're in IT WILL PASS & that's amazing! Never let a bad mood,worries, confusions, or fear keep you down! surround yourself with positive people who are there for you & truly care about your well being EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST SOMEONE, WHO CARES ABOUT THEM so fuck the 5 people who keep wanting you to fuck up worry about that ONE who wants to see you shine! THEY are the one that matters! Life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs YOU are the only one that take your life from a low point to a high one, YOU & YOU ALONE so whatever life throws at you whether you're ready or not always remember, No one can keep you down but yourself, SO GET THE FUCK UP throw whatever life throws at you back at life's face and move on!

Life is too short to stay down when your down!

Dear favorite,

 1-How I feel when I miss you :(

 2-How I feel thinkin about you ;)

 3-How I feel about other guys, since you :/

 4-How I feel when I'm with you besitos & more besitos please :*

5-How you always make me feel :D

We're total dorks & I like it!

You like me, I like you, BESITOS

sincerely, your favorite dork xoxo<3

I just want to sleep for a month.

seriously I just wanna sleep like this dude.

• No bullshit from people
• No fakeness from people
• No friends
• No spending
• No food
• No texts
• No facebook posts idgaf about
• No hearing about ex's
• No hearing about old friends
• No hearing about coke whores
• No dealing with idiots
• No drinking
• No going out
• No problems
• No lies 
• No disappointment
• No worring
• No stressing
• No annoyances
• No dealing with any fucking thing & everything.

Dear 2010

Dear 2010,

what the hell happened? I thought we had a deal? You were supposed to be amazing all ups no downs, no losing anyone and no regrets, what the hell? That was our secret! We had a pact! It really meant something to me, and I  thought it really meant something to you, I was wrong so so very wrong, I actually believed in us. Now I remember the good times in the very beginning going out meeting new people, the awesome dates,I couldn’t have been happier. It was nice to actually have that giddy 'I get to see the man I’m interested in today feeling' that was really good while it lasted, even though it didn't work out in the end it was great to really like someone again. Also in the beginning the road trips with the besties, closer than ever thought nothing could come between us, well that was all a façade now wasn’t it? That was the first and actually biggest loss , because I no longer have that person I was so close to in my life over nothing. It was right before I took off to New York maybe leaving under those circumstances wasn’t the best decision ever, but when I came back neither of us reached out to one another, so I guess something did very much come between us. I just never thought something so little & petty could break up a friendship that seemed unbreakable. I think I was hurt more because this person was the ONE person in my life I ever gave a second chance to, and I won't say I regret it because even after we reconnected, after i gave this person an second chance our friendship seemed better than ever, but once again I was fooled. Another façade, 2010 again I blame you. In our pact we agreed I wouldn’t let anyone fool me, you let me down. Later on we had that, I’ll call it “little problem” at work that would make my work life a living hell, in the end the “little problem” was removed & work was back to normal but at the time that was a huge down, I'm still dealing with the dam write up's from that . 'little problem". Then recently, I decided to be stupid and let someone new into my life, I KNOW this was all my OWN mistake, but again, in our pact we said no mistakes remember. Anyways this proved to be a huge mistake for reasons that aren’t even worth blogging about, all I’m going to say is I’ve always ALWAYS always been content with the select handful of my close friends, because new people are never who they seem to be, and on top of that my best friends have been in my life for a long time so letting new people in is very difficult for me so I just prefer to NOT. Honestly  though I’m happiest this way, I never get hurt like I did recently, letting a new person come in and fuck everything up. I've been fucked over TOO many times to ever give 2nd chances again, i just don't believe in them anymore, FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME. I've been living this motto for years, thats why recently when this last person who fooled me, was not, nor will ever be given a second chance to fool me ever again. Besides that, you also let me down by allowing me to break my rule on blending the lines between my friends and my co workers, the down was dealing with two faced-ness. A true friend would never do this to me, because they know trust is EVERYTHING to me, a co worker on the other hand IS NOT my friend. However my dumbass forgot this so in the end I realized who was two-faced so I guess it wasn’t that bad, I just now know to never mix those too EVER again. The upside about blending these two is I seriously realized how amazing these two girls at my work are, the chilliest girls I’ve met in a long time, and I can honestly call them my friends not just coworkers. I’m more than content with ending up with two great friends I also work with, going back to not blending those lines ever again with the exception of them two of course. So I guess even though earlier I lost someone, I gained 2 great friends in the end, losses-1, wins-2, not so bad I guess. Oh I almost forgot another perk was also in the beginning when I finally got to work where I’d been wanting to work, where I had “supposedly” been hired to work at, yeah that was GREAT! The last & most important up was the fact that 99% of the friends I started the year out with are STILL here for me, I don’t need to mention who they are, they know who they are & they know they mean the world to me, my friends are fucking AMAZING, we take each other's BS and handle it like adults, when theres a problem or something we aren’t ok with, we let each other know, instead of going behind each other backs, we keep what we tell each other between US and no one else, because it’s OUR business, we’re there for each other no questions asked, and most of all we TRUST each other which can honestly say is the BEST 'up' in my life.  Either way 2010 I’m soooo glad you’re almost over! We had the ups, the good times with all my friends, buying myself my car, my camera, trip to New York, trip to San Fran, day trips with my friends, dating great guys instead of losers for a change then there was the downs, losing someone I considered someone I’d have in my life for a long time, things not going as planned, getting fooled by people I thought were my friends, and breaking my rule on letting new people in, changes are no good sometimes. I will tell you this, thank you for the confidence you’ve given me, not that I was unsure before you, but I realize now even after a loss I’M OK, I’M FINE, but more importantly I’M OVER IT, I’m even more confident and empowered as I’ve ever been, nothing not even your downs broke my stride. 2010 you were quite the emotional roller coaster and I’m happy you’re coming to an end, goodbye & good riddance. 2011 & I have a new pact NEVER CHANGE, its deeper than any pact I ever had with you 2010, I plan on sticking to this pact like glue, same morals as 2010 but much more ambition this time. I refuse to let anyone change my mind this time, the bitch is back! Time say FUCK YOU regrets and remember my ambition to sticking to my same morals, same mottos that have worked for me and kept me happy, no more being fooled and more great memories!

ps-2010 highlight photos in no specific order & even tho some people in these photos are no longer in my life or we're not that close anymore these memories are ones i will cherish forever<3 

photo credit: myself