true love?

K so i started to write this post back in late January and I finally had some time to finish & edit it enjoy<3

The Osbournes. They are my favorite rock & roll couple. I saw a picture of them and I started to think about their marriage and how it's actually lasted despite the crazy rock & roll life. I used to be addicted to their show when it was on mtv and I remember why, the crazy ups and downs were exciting to watch, and even after it all they're are still together and going strong. He has supported her through her cancer, helped her overcome it. She has supported him through his addictions and helped him overcome them. This is what it truly means to be in a truly loving relationship you take the bad and the good and love unconditionally. They make me feel like maybe there is STILL "real love" out there, Like if there is sucha a thing they truly have it and it’s beautiful. There is still people who will do whatever it takes to keep a relationship working. Maybe true love has changed a lot, but also maybe it isn't completely extinct.

 I've never been that 'I'm getting married type' of girl & as I've gotten older I believe even less in marriage & true love. I think people move to fast and mix lust with love, I myself am guilty of that. I can say I've only in my life ever had ONE meaningful relationship, it didn't end badly either, but it did end. I was young so of course it came to an end even if it was good while it lasted. I can say this though I still don't think it was "love" we grew up together and dated for years I think our feeling grew from a friendship and trust within each other into this so called love. But in the end I never felt heartbroken. I just felt like I was gonna miss having someone there for me who I truly cared about and cared about me, I didn't feel like I lost my love though, maybe I never truly considered myself to be in "love" with him, maybe I just felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do. Even up until the end being engaged and; planning out moving in together/starting a family something I realized a lil later rather than sooner I 100% don't want for myself, but I agreed with it all cos I felt it was the right thing to do. That’s not real love though, maybe I don’t know what it is, maybe I don’t believe in it at all, but I'll say this, I don't think love is the same as before, I mean like when most of our parents or grandparents grew up. Maybe I'm stuck in the 1950's, but what happened to people being courting instead of boning each other! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? Every thing's so different even asking a girl out isn't classy "hey wanna hang out" via TEXT OR EVEN FACEBOOK! what happened to " I would like to take you out on a date/Would you like to go out with me?" etc in person or at least a phone call right?

Anyways back to my point, My point is people throw around the word love' like it’s a 'what’s up' IT'S NOT its three words, eight letters that are and should be the most meaningful words someone who truly cares about you, and you truly care about back could EVER say to you. The fact that this word has been thrown around like it's a fucking hello is in my opinion why marriage has gone to shit nowadays. If someone says these words they better mean it with every ounce of there being and live up to it too, it's not something casual, to be tossed around to everyone, it's just not. It makes me sad when people use it so casually, taking away more and more how important these 3 words can truly be to someone, especially when shared between 2 people who truly honestly mean it. People talk and talk and we eat it all up, it's not about promises though, back in the day if you loved your woman you would show up to her work, house, school whatever serenading her bring her flowers acting a fool and not giving a fuck what anyone thought because all that mattered was that YOU found someone you really care about and want to be with and you’re willing to show it. I know this cos I’ve heard stories from my family about how it was back in the day when they were young & how different it was. Today holding hands, hugging and kissing is considered PDA, which there’s nothing wrong with I mean you think back in the day when a man showed up to serenade his lady people rolled their eyes and thought gross NO so who cares if people wanna hold hands and smooch, Don’t be a bitter hater don’t wanna see it DON’T LOOK. As long as people aren’t fucking in front of you RELAX don’t be jealous. It’s expressing you’re feelings about each other openly since well serenading and all that is a thing of the past now. Nowadays where's the chivalry is it truly dead? I mean I know there's romantics out there believe me there is gentlemen, and good real honest men out there, but I think sometimes girls who have been fucked over by some non gentlemen ruin the good men out there & that results in even less true gentlemen out there.

Anyways back to marriage, I'm not a strong believer that marriage works, so I never plan on getting married EVER. I could write a 20 page paper on why I feel this way but to summarize, I just don't think it's for me. When people tell me what if you meet someone & fall madly inlove with them my response is, 1-I can't really say whether I will or won't fall "in love" with someone I don't think I 100% believer in love in this day & age, Maybe when my parents where young maybe when my grandparents were young. I just think if I do meet someone who totally blows my mind, who can thrill me just by kissing my cheek, forehead, neck etc, who I felt such intense surreal true and heartfelt feelings for, then that person wouldn't need a legal document stating we are "married" to want to be with me for as long as we live. If I ever met such a man, he would love me equally and know that getting married isn't something for us, that being said kids won't be in my future either. I would love nothing more than to live my life to the fullest, travel EVERYWHERE, always meet new people & see new things, have a great life living for ourselves, experience different things. Never worry about enrolling a kid in preschool, nannies, bedtimes none of that. If I do so happen to meet someone amazing who I can seriously care about and want to spend my time with, then I'd hope he felt the same about life as I do, no kids no marriage to make a monogamous relationship real, let's just be together, travel, live our lives, and live to the fullest. I'm just a hopeless romantic. I enjoy my life to the fullest whether I'm single or not single, I don't have these 'someday when I meet the love of my life' types of feelings & every time someone hears me talk about this the first thing out of their mouth is either yeah right you're so gonna get married & 2 you're so gonna have kids, it never gets old I can respect their opinion, and in return I hope they respect mine. These are my views on my life right now I've felt the same ever since I can remember and this is me now 21 going on 22 saying I Leslie don't want marriage or kids, I want to live & never ever be a mom. A lover maybe so why now? However, a wife no thank you. Call me crazy but I have my own personal reasons as to why I refuse to bring a child into this world aside from wanting to live an amazing life traveling seeing the world before I die, and why I refuse to be a wife as well.