for the BOYS who want to be MEN:

she took the words right out of my mouth i love this- read up dudes

learn to be the ultimate man! listen, i know there’s a time and a place for everybody and everything. and it takes a while for dudes to grow the fuck up/man up/know who they are. so, when you do decide that you love a girl/want a girl in a major way/know you’ve met a girl that means something to you/she’s a special mission to be accomplished, who makes your heart beat faster and intrigues you… you need to cut the bullshit dude and step it the fuck up! because there are guys out there who are just as sexy as you, just as funny, with great style…. but they’ve got you beat! cuz they have game; imagination, money, a personality, likability, and follow through. men who are reliable, trustworthy, great in bed, handsome, successful, masters at what they do. men who are patient, warm, and kind; who make a woman feel like a woman!

dudes, you have to be aware that it’s a war zone out there! this is battle (same for girls, but I’m talking to the dudes right now!) great girls are hard to come by. a connection is hard to come by. getting the attention of the girl you have a crush on can be difficult when there are other dudes out there making you look super lame-o/bad/not as good/inferior/chump like. Marilyn Monroe said it simply in gentleman prefer blonds: ‘it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man, as a poor man.’ and I’m not just talking about rich in the financial sense. i mean, that’s rad too, duh! but what i mean is- rich in character, depth, who has the ability to sweep a woman off her feet!

dude’s, if you wanna win the girl; the best girls, the hottest girls who aren’t just hot- but who are successful in their own right, stylish, in fantastic physical shape, beautiful, interesting, quick witted, smart, charming, funny, confidant, great kissers, sexy, nasty in bed, your best friend, bad ass, creative, AND amazing arm candy that makes you proud, with an epic life of their own, and brings a lot to bring to the table: you have to up your mother fucking game and be the best! because, let me tell you, these girls have their pick! and if you wanna be in the race… you have to grow the fuck up! lose the loser/ego maniacal- attitude and bravado! i mean, you live in a dirty shit-hole and are a narcissist asshole! you don’t have a career or clean pants! you don’t hold the door and you’re mean! do you think Giselle would date you? or Cindy Crawford- then OR now? FUCK NO! not at all! probably not. and by probably, i mean ‘definitely no‘.

watch a James bond movie and don’t just start drinking martini’s. in fact STOP drinking altogether bone-head! and stop smoking pot too, while your at it! you can be tough (brave), strong (muscly), and watch porn (not too much though, please) and be a great man… but being a stealth, sexy, suave dude- with crazy amazing seduction skills, who loves to seduce women, make them cum, feel happy, and safe because he genuinely likes her and wants to do that…. is way cooler! and no dick pic’ing please. get some game!

I’m not saying ‘game’ in the sense that you should mind fuck a girl into making her feel sooooo confused and low that she’s a weak little bitch wrapped around your finger. no, asshole! you don’t have to ‘neg’ her to death with stupid games and back handed compliments. it’s OK to tell her she’s beautiful if you think she’s beautiful. women LIKE that. at least the healthy ones do, who can accept compliments and are in a good place mentally and emotionally. don’t pander to her, but don’t be a dick for the sole purpose of being a dick either! hold the door, open the car door, hold her hand, kiss her in public. you should be with her cuz you’re proud and happy to be with her. and if this is the case- show it, make her know it. women want to be made feel safe, loved, and protected- whether they know it or not. they are also smart and won’t put up with your bullshit either. sometimes a girl is fucking you, and thinking about how she would never marry you because you bring nothing to the table. to her, you are a guilty pleasure behind closed doors. you may think you played her, and are getting under her skin… but the truth is.. you’re not good enough for her. and she’ll find out soon. when she meets a man that reveals what a boy you were. with all your bullshit, you blew it. and you thought you were being so cool. grow the fuck up dude. and get a job while you’re at it; you skinny, boring, couch surfer. we see you! BTW, personalities are cool too. get one this year! 2010 is all about possibilities! you can do it! make the transition; from a chump to a champ!

so, if you like a girl- be direct and don’t play games (shit, that’s almost the ultimate game, because it’s so rare). make her proud to be on your arm, make her think…. correction: SHOW HER that other dudes are nothing compared to you (show this with your behavior, not just your words). be an example that makes other couples crumble and fall to the wayside. don’t be desperate, but be direct. you don’t need to ignore and push and pull and dick her around because you think that’s what she likes. if that’s the shit she likes, she’s probably a nut case and you should both be in therapy. you should both be in therapy in general. therapy is great! ps: along with all this shit i’m telling you- a real connection and meeting one other at exactly the right time in each others lives is crucial for a relationship to work! just thought i should throw that in.

if you’re cute and cool, she likes you. duh! and when you know she likes you, (trust your gut) lay it down! be a man! make power moves. pay for fucking dinner. get a hotel room, carry her over the threshold. be fucking direct. tell her you like her, call her, don’t just text like a coward. if you two ARE texting, respond to her text. you don’t have to wait an hour and play games. you can keep your cool, hold your cards close, keep some mystery, be strong, calm, cool, collected….and honestly open at the same time. walk around like you have the biggest dick in the world; as if you could club any dude who approached her to death with this huge d i c k of yours. even if you don’t (this is annoying though- cuz an attitude like that is confusing to girls when they eventually do get your pants off and it’s a tiny nubbin. but that’s not your fault, you were born like that. and you totally deserve to breathe and fuck girls and get off and exist on this earth too. you just better be great at oral sex/finger-blasting/sensual seduction foreplay-mid play-and after play!) it also helps if you dress well, are attractive, aren’t stupid, are funny, and have a great job that makes your insides smile and puts a wad of money in your bullet proof safe which is hidden deep inside your mansion on a hill.) don’t be too eager. be stable and cool. have your life and make room in it for her. if you sense you need to back off cuz she’s stressed, do it. it’s all a dance. there’s time. be cool- not passive aggressive, mean/cool-no! be a silent stallion ‘i have a life cool.’ like the sexy man rock you are. and at the same time, you must always know your worth. don’t put up with a girl who treats you like shit either, cuz that just makes you look lame too! but, I’m telling you. if you’re as cool as the stand up guy I’m describing, when you meet a girl who’s sane- she’ll treasure you and know how lucky she is. she might even offer to pay for YOUR coffee or macro burger at m cafe. good luck boys! i hope i see you on the other side. don’t blow it. being a man is an art-form! i love you! xo